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Should I have kids? A modern day conundrum…

Should we have kids?

There is this rhythmic noise that is getting louder as the years roll on.

Tick…

No matter how much I ignore it, it is not going away. It is pounding with an urgency that is hard to ignore.

Tock…

I just skidded past the middle of my thirties. Apparently the thirties are the new twenties except I am not sure that my ovaries got the memo.

The thing is that I do want to have a baby or two some day. But certainly not now, and not in the foreseeable future. I would like to start in 10 years time… perhaps… maybe then I will be ready.

Tick…

We met an elderly couple on the shuttle from the hotel to Gatwick airport on Sunday. They were on their way to Mexico for a few weeks before returning to their holiday house in the South of France. After a fun conversation it was apparent that they had travelled almost as much as we have.

“Nice to do it while you are young” they said. We asked if they had children… “Oh no” they chuckled, “we couldn’t have retired if we had children”.

Tock…

We meet these kinds of people a lot. Adventurous older couples who have set up their lives exactly as they want to, or travel at their leisure, or fulfill one dream after another… because they don’t have kids.

Not to say that plenty of parents don’t do these things too. They do! But we don’t cross their paths so often, so our perspective is skewed.

Tick…

The idea of kids is a conundrum. I want the experience of having them. I want to see what they look like…. I am even looking forward to childbirth… there I said it! I must have watched about 300 women give birth on TV and I find it magical every time.

John cringes when he hears the screams of labour emanating from my laptop. ARRRGH not childbirth AGAIN! Put on your headphones!

Should I have kids?

This stock photo clearly shows that childbirth is a semi-orgasmic experience…. and we all know that Stock photos never lie.

If I had a whole other life I might become a midwife. I would have four kids super young and spend my life devoted to giving them an amazing start to life.

Tock…

But the thought of bringing a baby into my busy, relaxed and adventurous life is a thought that comes with dread. I am not ready to change our lives in that way. I am not ready to share my energy, and give all my attention to a little human.

It seems grossly unfair that I have to hurry the #*@% up and decide if I am going to start trying or perhaps lose the opportunity… if I haven’t already.

There are so many what if’s and buts, pro’s and con’s and potential outcomes that I am decidedly on the fence .

Tick…

The clock is ticking. We could just wait it out. We can always adopt older kids or foster kids or babysit from time to time if we every settle in future.

Or we could admit that we are happy in our selfish worlds that revolve around our own wants and needs.

Or we could just give in to the rabid life force that is desperately pushing to procreate, and just deal with what we get along the way.

What do you think? Should I have kids?

Parents and child-free people please weigh in! Should I have kids? Tell me what you would choose if you were us… We are undecided and could be swayed either way… your votes please!

This has got me thinking… Maybe we should put up a poll and let you the readers decide… The ultimate crowd sourcing – choose our future family… I am only half-joking here peeps! 

Also if you do have kids, please check out Travel Kids Club… launching really really soon :)

If you like it, please share it!


Speak your lovely mind!

  1. I’ll do it if you do! ;)

    I actually had my “Darth Vader” (as Noel calls it) removed last year, in a blind kind of I-don’t-know-if-I-really-want-this-but-lets-see-what-happens way. (So far nothing). I imagine that once you have one you’ll be so crazy happy you did, but I understand all your concerns. If your entire being is pushing you towards it then it sounds like you really do want one, and unfortunately, you don’t get to decide when is ideal for your ego. It sounds to me like it’s your mind saying “now is no good. I’m not ready,” but I don’t think most people are ever mentally ready. What does your heart and soul say? If you really do want kids in your life, you don’t have so much more time, and it won’t necessarily happen right away.

    You could be one of those parents who travels with their kids. Why not? I’ve heard travel is much more rewarding with children in many ways (ex: most people in other cultures open up to you much more than they would otherwise).

    There’s a part of me that feels like it would be nice to not have that responsibility, but then I think about my life in 10 years time and how empty it may well feel (I already am getting bored with my selfishness). And the thought of not making human alchemy with the man that is so incredibly magic to me seems criminal!

    I’m kind of at the stage of closing my eyes and taking the leap. Let me know what you decide.

    • Your Darth Vader!! Haha classic! It’s so true, most people don’t have get to the point of being ready, they just get pregnant and then deal with it. I am pretty sure we will just deal with whatever happens with joy, but why change a good thing?!!

  2. I think that you should Be right here in the now. In this now you have no children and you enjoy your life. Keep enjoying it. In a year or three you may have a child. Who knows where your life will be. Plans change and changes have a way taking plans away.
    There is only now. My weigh in is this – dont decide; meditate…

  3. I say it’s totally up to you. But if you’re going to do it, do it soon. The suffering from lack of sleep is most unpleasant as you get older and have a baby! How people do it in their 40’s is totally beyond me. If you decide the answer is no then totally own that decision and don’t second guess yourself. Maybe the answer is to just have one. One doesn’t cause too many changes cause there’s two of you! Four on the other hand…..
    Tracey Pedersen recently posted..Who Inspires Me The Most?My Profile

    • < > the thought of four at my age is enough to keep me barren!! If I have quads I am sooooo leaving a couple on my mother’s doorstep. By a couple I mean 3!! We are far to comfortable with waking to our body clocks…

  4. Something no one else can answer for you. It’s refreshing that your so honest about the conundrum! I would say that you don’t need to want one as many unplanned births prove but when you have the choice and it may take over or hijack your bespoke lifestyle you should want one and be prepared to tweak lifestyle because they do and should become the centre of decision making re lifestyle insofar as it has to be about their welfare too. That said you’re both such educators and so flexible it could completely work for a period of time on the road and be great for a little ones grounding. From my perspective it’s all been totally worth having them but it does change certain things including how frugally you may be able to live for example. Happy deciding ! X

    • Yes!! The financial aspect is a whole other conversation!! We would have to up our income for all the extras… one more consideration I guess… one more tick in the “cons”!! But can you really weigh money against genes and unconditional love? Hmmmm ;)

  5. My two cents – agree with much of what has been written and – when you can’t bear not to any more it’ll happen, if it happens you’ll be divinely supported to thrive, I’m having some problems correcting mistakes in this format but bare with me. Before both my babies I was worried about all sorts of stuff eg money, sleep but things just kept working out and getting better and better. They come w so much love they can make life 1000 times more joyful. Mine are my greatest wealth ❤️
    Charlotte recently posted..Free workshop: Ten ways to turn your life and environment into a good news story. My Profile

  6. Yes. You must have kids. One or preferably two. Someone once told me that I must have kids. We bought a float home and I ignored the advice. Then I had 3 miscarriages. And one healthy boy. Another miscarriage. Then another healthy boy. I was 39 and 41, so I know both sides. It’s hard for the first two years, then it isn’t. kids don’t need much. They don’t care if you own or rent. Drive a car or ride a bike. They care if you are happy or sad. They hold your hand when you least expect it. They want to feel you close at night. Believe me when I say that kids rule. And it is the kind of journey that you can’t plan for, but you will find what you’re looking for when that little hand holds your hand without any prompting.

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